Anxiety Because nervous energy is experienced in the body, many of the tools to turn around anxiousness center around helping the body and nervous system feel more “settled.” When we feel our bodies become activated by anxious feelings, the experience can be so unpleasant that it makes us even more anxious! When we try to decrease the symptoms, we only become more aware of our inability to control our feelings, leading to more anxiety and a cycle that can spin out of control. One key skill, then, is to learn how to tolerate the physical sensation of anxiety so that it can pass naturally, rather than feed on itself. Paradoxically, when we can embrace our inner experience, rather than fight against it, this makes us feel calmer inside! How we treat ourselves within our experience of anxiety becomes a key skill that takes training and practice.

In healing the underlying issue behind anxious symptoms, it is important to understand that anxiety often emerges when other difficult feelings are not being addressed. It is hard to feel settled inside when we haven’t “listened” to our emotions and moved through them successfully. In this way anxiety acts as a blanket that covers up the difficult, seemingly frightening, emotions under the surface. Mindfulness empowers us to move through all our emotions–even our sadness and anger–in a grounded, healthy way. When our brain sees that our emotions are adaptive and manageable, it stops sending alarm signals (in the form of nervous energy) every time we have a feeling! Discovering and unpacking the complex feelings of your true self often requires teamwork with a therapist who can help you access and explore your deeper experience without judgment. As you reclaim parts of yourself and feelings that were defended against, anxious feelings resolve naturally and easily.

When we learn to approach emotion in a welcoming and centered manner, we not only reduce our anxiety, but also find greater strength, passion, and joy! If you are anxious in any of its many manifestations, from stress to panic attacks, please reach out. Life doesn’t have to be this way.

Depression is first and foremost a disorder of vitality. Very often depression emerges when a person’s mind does not know how to process scary emotions, such as anger, and therefore simply shuts down instead. We all need to learn to move through emotions in an empowered way, otherwise our brain will register emotion as threat and defend against it at all costs. Tragically, this cost can be our very sense of aliveness, joy, and meaning. We work with these defenses to help you access and process your feelings, accept and nurture your true self, and heal past wounds that created the difficult feelings you defended against initially.

While medication can be very helpful, and we often work closely with psychiatrists in treating depression, especially when it appears more biologically-based than situational, research shows that having healthy relationships and support is a key component in recovery. Working with a therapist provides a stabilizing, safe relationship in which to address the underlying causes of your symptoms. Through the therapeutic relationship you will also learn how to improve the other relationships in your life and utilize or develop your outside support network.

Sometimes it feels like you can’t go on another day, and it is true that recovering from depression often takes time. We know there is light at the end of the tunnel, though, and perhaps having someone to walk there with you will make all the difference. Let us help you come alive again!

“Failure to Launch” in a non-judgmental way to describe the barriers individuals experience when they are stuck and unable to move forward with achieving major milestones in life.  This is reflected in ambivalence around engaging in everyday life events such as:

• Obtaining a higher education
• Finding a job or career development
• Learning distress tolerance and self-regulation
• Forming healthy relationships outside of family systems
• Authenticity and identity development

Most often, individuals who get stuck at developmental milestones often struggle with the sense of self and skill development required to feel confident engaging in everyday functional behavior. As a result, this distress can trigger or antagonize already existing depression, anxiety, and experiences of negative self-worth.

Goals of  the therapeutic process include: 

• Increasing distress tolerance and mood regulation
• Addressing fragile experiences of entitlement and expectations of self and others
• Supporting life skills development
• Reduction of negative coping responses to lack of direction such as drugs, alcohol, and electronic devices. 
• Instilling future-oriented behavior 
• Creating corrective experiences that encourage pride, self-confidence, and independent behavior.

Everyone finds their own path, but what is your path? Are you struggling with identifying what you want to do? Do you feel like you don’t have direction? If you’re feeling unfulfilled and struggling with the next step, our team can help. 

A strong sense of purpose is also correlated with positive self-esteem and identity. All three are important to mental health. Individuals with a low self-esteem often struggle with anxiety, depression, and lack the confidence to make decisions or take on new challenges. Low self-esteem can also lead to engaging or continuing in unhealthy relationships. Combating low self-esteem often involves redefining the narrative around self-identity. Identifying negative thoughts such as “I’m not smart enough” or “I’m not good enough” can help start the process of changing that narrative. 

Are you tired of struggling with the same frustrations – feeling like there has to be more than this? You try to be more positive, enjoy your life, and not worry about the future but it’s not working. Therapy and self exploration can provide you with emotional freedom and a renewed pleasure in life. You don’t have to settle anymore.

Are you starting to lose hope that you will ever find your ideal partner? You feel like you only attract the men and women you don’t want and the ones you like, always seem to leave. You’re tired of going on endless dates that go nowhere, having the same first date conversations over and over again. Or maybe you’re so tired of the disappointment of the dating scene that you’re not even going on dates anymore. 

Or, perhaps you are in a relationship and wondering if you should stay or leave. You love your partner but you know your dynamic is unhealthy and maybe even toxic. 

Or maybe you are in a relationship with someone you consider to be healthy and you’re afraid of messing things up. You want to just relax and be happy but you feel so anxious and worried about the relationship all the time.

Or maybe you’ve been the non-committal type for years and finally want to settle down but you’re finding it really difficult to find someone that keeps your interest. You start off liking someone a ton, and you think you’ve found the one but, your feelings eventually fade and you start to feel suffocated. You want a long term relationship but you’re starting to wonder if maybe you’re just not built for it.

Or maybe you’re in a relationship that you know needs help but you are the only one willing to come to therapy. You are wondering if anything can be done to help the relationship if just one person is in therapy.

You are not alone. Couples Learn therapists specialize in working with individuals and couples just like you in these exact situations. We can help.

One of the most profound determinants of how we experience our lives is how we feel about ourselves–our sense of worthiness. We live with ourselves day in and day out—and the story about ourselves and our lives that we create as we go. You are not alone if you have low self-esteem (it is one of the most common underlying issues we see), but it doesn’t have to be that way. Through the lens of self-loathing, everything is bleak—not even successes, love and closeness with others can be fully enjoyed. Shame and lack of self worth can prevent full connection and the ability to be open and free. Developing self-esteem and self worth provides resilience when you make mistakes or get hurt in relationships. If you have a negative view of yourself, it is not your fault. Lack of felt worthiness means you didn’t get what you needed to feel valued somewhere along the way.

Connect with a Therapist Today

It is so important to see one’s own gifts and abilities, to have what many call self-esteem. Self-esteem is based on things you like about yourself, or on areas in which you feel successful.  We want you to feel successful in life, but we also help you move beyond self-esteem to self-compassion, which is even more powerful because it is not based on a judgment or evaluation. Through self-compassion you can accept yourself no matter how and who you are. It is simply an attitude of kindness and care–the kind of loving response we would give to a friend. Holding yourself in this way, where there is no way to fail, allows us to relax and use our energy to be our best selves instead of stress about potential failure. Our worthiness and sense of self worth becomes based on our shared humanity rather than on our performance, perfection, or being good enough.

Some believe they need to be hard on themselves in order to find the drive they need, but self-criticism has actually been proven to drain motivation. Conversely, self-compassion may be the single most powerful tool towards healing and development and is a cornerstone of the work we do.

Please reach out so we can join you on a rescue mission for your true self and your sense of self worth. Let us help you have a loving and nurturing relationship with yourself and let go of the burden of shame and self-hatred. A sense of worthiness, self-esteem, and self-compassion will change your life.

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